• When is Professional Intervention Needed to Assist with Grief
  
  All of us experience grief after the death of a loved one. Although difficult, most of the time we are able to adjust with the assistance of a good support network of family, friends, coworkers, and church relationships. However it is important to recognize there are times when more than family and friends are needed. When the following factors exist, complicated mourning is more likely to occur for the survivors.
  
  Factors associated with the kind of death:
  
  
  1. Suddenness and lack of anticipation a person with no known heart problems dies of a massive heart attack.
  2. Violence, mutilation, and randomness deaths as a result of murder, plane crash, fire or explosions.
  3. Belief the death could have been prevented car accidents where the person was not wearing a seat belt or someone failed to stop at a stop sign. Mourner believes illness could have been detected earlier when a cure was possible.
  4. Death of a child
  5. Death from an overly lengthy illness family members are exhausted from the years of providing extensive care to the individual.
  6. The survivor's personal encounter with death person was a passenger in the same car where an individual died or was standing next to the person who was shot and killed
  
  Factors associated with the survivor:
  
  
  1. An angry, ambivalent or dependent relationship with the deceased prior to death.
  2. Other losses or concurrent stressors physical illness, loss of income.
  3. History or concurrent mental illness mood and anxiety disorders.
  4. The survivor's perceived lack of social support.
  
  These factors alone or in combination can result in mourning requiring more than grief facilitation. Professionals who have training in both trauma and grief interventions will be needed. If you or someone you care about is experiencing difficulty dealing with a death, call 316-265-9441 or 800-767-4965 and ask for the Director of Social Work and Bereavement.
  
  
• Are You Grieving or Are You Depressed
  
  John M. Schneider Ph.D. has identified some key differences between grief and depression. If you have any questions or concerns about what you are experiencing, please contact your bereavement social worker for a comprehensive assessment.
  
  You Are Grieving When You:
  
  
  • Sometimes find yourself obsessed with thinking about the person who died, but at other times are able to think of other things
  • Experience vivid, clear dreams, which can be very comforting
  • May have gained or lost weight
  • Exercise often or not at all
  • Find getting to sleep difficult
  • Feel tired frequently
  • Have a connection to something greater than yourself
  • Are able to have pleasurable experiences as long as it isn't something that only came from the person who died
  • Like to have close friends or someone who will listen to your story
  • Miss being loved or the ability to love others
  
  You are Depressed When You:
  
  
  • Are often obsessed with yourself and how the death is unfair or see it as a punishment
  • Experience flashbacks, nightmares, or the same disturbing dreams over and over
  • Have had extreme weight change
  • Experience difficult waking up and then awaken with disturbing dreams
  • Find yourself always restless or sleepy
  • Are unable to find meaning and have an ongoing focus on "Why me" and the unfairness of the death
  • Resist "pat" answers when beliefs are questioned
  • Tend to discard previously held beliefs
  • Cry all the time or not at all or are angry all the time or not at all
  • Rarely feel good
  • Can't stand being with people or can't be without them
  • Respond to urging or may not
  • Feel abandoned and unloved when alone
  • Have had an extreme reaction to "eat, drink and be merry" or have experienced no pleasure at all
  • Feel unloved and incapable of loving
  • Distance yourself from others
  
  
• Alcohol and Grief
  
  Studies indicate alcohol use increases after the death of a loved one. Several factors illustrate why the increase occurs.
  
  
  • Pain. Generally the American culture will do whatever it takes to avoid pain. The avoidance of pain is one of the primary reasons for chemical addition.
    
    
  • Alcohol is socially acceptable to use. It is legal and easy to obtain, and initially seems effective in reducing pain. Because it is socially acceptable and because you are in pain due to the loss of a loved one, friends and family find it harder to ask about your drinking.
    
    
  • You feel as though you deserve it. You have a big void in your life and you have a right to comfort yourself.
    
    
  • The feelings you are experiencing are difficult to tolerate and you want to get rid of them quickly. Alcohol has become the first way to protect you.
    
    
  How does alcohol affect you? Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. It depresses the areas of the brain that are used in complex and rational thinking and voluntary control of behavior. Over extended periods, alcohol will cause cardiac arrest and cirrhosis.
  
  If you are feeling depressed before the use of alcohol, you may initially receive a kind of "self-medication" relief while drinking. This feeling is short-lived and always leads to greater feelings of depression when alcohol is not used. The cycle of use, feel better, depression, and repeat alcohol use begins. Prolonged use and alcoholism will lead to longer periods of depression making the cycle even harder to break. Alcohol gives a false sense of mastery and control. The mourning process has been interrupted and it will be much harder to get back on track.
  
  Use of alcohol can become psychologically and physically self-destructive. Do yourself and your family a big favor. Be especially careful how you care for yourself. Help is readily available. You owe it to yourself to ask for it.
  
  

to Children and Grief